It hardly seems three years since the last letter hit the mat calling me to drop my knickers for the NHS Smear Test.

I’m a keen advocate for these tests as overwhelming research proves that catching cervical cancer early may make all the difference when it comes to treatment and recovery and after all, why would you NOT want make sure that you are as healthy as you may be? Today’s post is not a lecture however on attending your appointment, if you are old enough to get The Letter you are old enough to make your own decision.

No, today’s post is all about making sure your Lady Garden is smear test ready.

The Lady Garden, the Bush; call it what you will, just don’t name it and forget about it. I’m not sure if there is a “right” way to trim the Lady Garden to be honest, I don’t think a full Brazilian wax is necessary for less than five minutes with your legs up and open and yet I’m pretty sure the Austin Powers “full bush – yeah Baby!” look isn’t really “in” anymore either. There may even be access issues with that one.

So… what is the accepted “style” these days? I love the looks of a shaped bush, such as this one, however I’m not sure our local clinic is ready for hardcore Lady Garden art.




Personally I’m a short-back and sides gal, clean, tidy and perfectly respectable. I’m pretty sure that the nurse doesn’t obsess anywhere near as much as we us ladies do about looking “right” you know!
My last smear test was quite amusing actually. The previous smear test was more than three previous (slapped wrist) and I had a student doing it. The girl used what looked like a metal pelvic stretching piece of torture equipment, was very nervous and when everything was in place she turned panicked to her supervisor and said “Is it supposed to look that THAT?!”.
Me being me retorted “Well I’ve never had any complaints before now!”. I’m not sure who turned the deeper shade of read, her or me!

With that in mind I stomped bravely down to the clinic, topiary suitably shaped and pedicure complete only to find that the test itself was slightly different this time in that it was over before I’d realised it had started. I’d barely felt a thing. Quick and easy.
Thrilled that it wasn’t the horrific experienced I’d mentally decided it was going to be I might have hopped off the bed quite cheerfully, only to look down and realise that while the Lady Garden and my toes were immaculate…. I’d forgotten to shave my legs and looked like a yeti!

Laugh if you dare.

I suppose the important messages in this post are to 1) Go for your smear test and 2) Make sure ALL areas, from the Lady Bush down to the tips of your toes are clean, tidy and ready.