I’m giggling as I write this, as the research into Trump’s first week has left me quite hysterical. Unfortunately the predictions about his presidency are being realised, while foresights from over a century ago are coming to fruition.

There are a legion of literary writers and fortune tellers spinning in their dusty graves, as they watch, through splayed fingers, from above as Mr Donald Trump takes the American reigns.

Drowned in Literary Genius

The most obvious comparison that springs to mind is that of George Orwell’s frankly terrifying 1984. I dare you to read this book, TODAY, and not cower at the foresight of this man. In the 80’s this book was a benign horror story, never to be realised, today it’s Trump’s legacy as we’re gas lighted with alternative facts, and Trump’s face adorns TV screens as the blonde Big Brother watching over us all. Remember this, Big Brother was a fallacy, a façade and a puppet. He was the face to be feared but never met. Trump has strings that are being pulled by anyone in the world with a higher IQ who is close enough to manipulate this new President using his Achilles’ heel – his ego.

The Seven Horcruxes of Donald Trump

It would be easy for anyone with an iota of a brain cell to manipulate Donald Trump, all you need is access to his first Horcrux as follows:

Horcrux 1 : His Ego

Donald Trump is a narcissist, he’s selfish, he’s a liar, he thinks everyone else is beneath him despite his lack of vocabulary. He truly believes he’s a supreme being, has anyone investigated if he has links to Scientology? That would make a lot of sense.

Appealing to his delicate ego is easy, tell him he’s brilliant, bask in his glory, lick his shoes, and surrender to his whims. Speak in a simple language he understands, but leave little seeds of doubt, soon he’ll adapt your ideas as his own in a bid to look intelligent. Well done Pence for achieving exactly this. When more people believe the truth rather than the propaganda he’s spewing, the horcrux will be defeated. He didn’t have millions at his inauguration, he’s not a member of Mensa, and he’s not the best businessman in the world, although I’ll give him credit, he knows how to work a crowd and how to use fear to get what he wants.

As he receive dents in his fragile ego, he’ll start to lose control, his tweets will become more vicious, more impromptu and his press events will seek to present an alternative truth. Damage the ego, and you have a President spinning out of control, stoke the ego and you have a President who plays ball.

To damage this horcrux, we must break down the Trump wall.

Horcrux 2: His Money

The second is his money. He is in a lot of debt, debt that would make your eyes water. I am richer than Trump, you are richer than Trump, this is why he won’t release his tax returns, this is why he keeps shafting the little guy out of thousands. He’s paying off a debt that he’ll die with, but it’s all about the show. As long as there are metal flying objects and tall towers bearing his name, you’ll believe he’s rich and powerful. He’s now only one of those things. Anyone can build a business on borrowed money, anyone can take risks with other people’s cash, only a fool wouldn’t be able to make a profit with millions of dollars, and Trump is exactly that. He’s not entirely stupid though, as his one goal throughout, has to been to line his own pockets, forget about the money he owes, his trousers are bulging and not because of his questionable package.

He said before taking office that he wouldn’t take a penny of the Presidential salary of $400,000 per annum. Yet within a day, he’d spent $100,000 that Obama didn’t, buying new gold curtains for the Oval office. I’m keen to keep an eye, because a total of $1600,000 would make a small dent in the debt I think he owes, but it’d make a better nest egg for when his businesses go bankrupt and he has the money stashed offshore.

As he promises to cut taxes for the middle classes and remove regulations for companies, I wonder how his own companies will benefit. Bigly, I promise. Trump is paving the way to make his future bigger and brighter, and I feel for the working class who voted him in as one of the people. When Trump is forced to reveal his taxes, this horcrux will be beaten.

Horcrux 3: His Reputation

The third is his reputation. Trump has built himself a gilt edged reputation as the best, the brightest, the richest, and the wisest. Any one who dares to throw pebbles as his fragile force field is greeted with threats; even violence. He’s tearing down news channels one at a time as he feels they should all now fall in line. He needs control and he needs a whitewash, when that doesn’t happen, he cries. Today he’s whining about the protests, claiming they are ruining his enjoyment of the presidency. He doesn’t seem to see the irony as he’s been protesting all weekend.

He’s held up signs that cloud the globe screaming, “but Mummy…

“There were LOADS of people at my inauguration

“I AM the most popular president

“God stopped the rain for my speech

“CNN and Buzzfeed called me names

“Reporters of inauguration unrest are telling on me, lock em up”

That’s all we see, a series of “but mummy” tweets that make him look sad and pathetic. Shakespeare said it best, “me thinks he doth protest too much.” If Mr trump was secure in himself, in the votes that saw him take leadership, in his people, his supporters and his own prowess, he wouldn’t be letting this get to him. He’d brush it off time and again, and continue safe in the knowledge that he is the best President and these people are inconsequential fools. The fact that the reporting is based on truth is what worries Mr Donald Trump, he worries the façade will fall and you’ll see him for what he is… a mummy’s boy, a man who’s had a leg up, an imposter, a fraud and the horcrux will wither and die.

Horcrux 4: His Grown up Children

The fourth is his children, his pride and joy. Despite admitting to having nothing to do with them, Trump still takes credit for their grace, their manners. There’s a story I may believe about him slapping Eric across the face for not wearing a suit in a university’s Hall of Residence. This father I recognise (not as my own, my dad was a genuine, wonderful man) as one that must have complete control. Heaven help the child who disobeyed, as they would be disinherited, although why you’d want to inherit a sizeable debt is beyond me.

Ivanka is a sight to behold, and by all accounts a wonderful woman, she’s intelligent and posed, and the apple of Daddy’s eye, most possibly because she scores a 10/10 on the Trump desirability scale and looks unnervingly like his three wives. The others operate through fear, still expecting that slap and they do all daddy says, they’re royally trapped. I’m not going into detail here, as there’s a gagging order out in force on his kids, but I will say this. I predict a scandal of the century when a disenchanted kid breaks ranks and discovers their father’s debts are repugnant compared to the money they’d acquire from a book deal. You heard it here first, I think it’ll be Tiffany.

If a Trump child broke the ranks and turned on the orange prince, you’d see that façade fall, massively and the horcrux will be vanquished.

Horcrux 5: Melania

His fifth horcrux is Melania. Now I’m going to say something controversial here. I love Melania. I have a feeling she’s going to be the one to watch. She’s the one Donald Trump underestimates the most, as he thinks she’s of no importance, his un chivalrous treatment of her proves this, and her seemingly downtrodden response. BUT Melania is all of us, she’s ambitious and she used to be in love. Not any more. She’s now the first lady and although that doesn’t give her any special powers, it does afford her a huge influence. Trump believes she’s well under the thumb but those steely eyes of hers tell me more, alongside the Obama’s friendliness towards the woman, there was obvious warmth. I’m hoping Melania becomes sick of the gas lighting, sick of the locker room talk and sick of being treated like a fool by a bafoon and is now secretly plotting her revenge, to forge a great future for herself, be it through kiss and tell, or the formation of her own businesses, using her new found status as advertising. If you see Melania using the White house to push her own business agendas, don’t scream and shout, just sit back and watch and realise, this is an emotionally abused woman hatching a plan to be rid of the Trump for good. Once Melania turns that horcrux is overcome.

Horcrux 6: The Media

His sixth horcrux is the media. The media that are pandering to his every whim that is, such as Fox news. I’m curious to see is Fox will continue to air Family Guy parodies of Trump following the inauguration as I think they’re on Trump’s side. He’s started with the Korean like propaganda and threatened to put people behind bars, while removing the rights of journalists to report on world news as they see it. Whether you love or hate us, we journalists have a job to do, to report on the facts. Of course, many blur the lines, and those scared of repercussions will toe the line but there are a lot of us who won’t be silenced. Yet preventing a news channel from being able to report on the most important world event of the week is white washing, it’s gagging, it’s propaganda and it’s scary. It’s George Orwell’s 1984.

The press will be Donald Trump’s downfall. He reacts too quickly, he rises to the bait and he doesn’t understand how people are allowed to defy him in this way. Now he’s president, Kelly Ann Conway is presenting alternative facts in order to make the public believe the press are a bunch of liars. You’re questioning the truth until you stop reading the news and look to only one man to tell it like it is, Trump.

We will not be silenced. Support us, and we will report the truth as we see it, for as long as we are able.

To reference George Orwell, 2+2 = 4, it will always equal 4. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Soon, the your newsfeed will be filling with positive stories concerning Trump, by choosing to avoid these, by unfollowing and ignoring, you will overthrow that horcrux.

Horcrux 7: His Presidency

The last of Donald Trump horcruxes is his Presidency, look closely you’ll see he has acute imposter syndrome. I’m not one to criticise people’s grammar as everyone makes mistakes, and I remember the phrase, “I used to criticise friend’s grammar but then realised I liked having friends more,” however, this is the President of the United States, you’d think he’d use spellcheck before publishing a tweet, or do some research before spewing out numbers that have been fed to him. His vocabulary is limited, his attention span that of someone with ADHD (no offence, I suffer from this myself), which is probably not the impulsive nature you’d like from a Presidency. I make mistakes, but I’m no president, just a lowly writer and journalist, Mr Trump needs to stop reading briefings in bullet points if he has any hope of handling this. He appreciates he’s not Presidential material, he’s marvelling how he arrived here and he’s passing as many bills as he can before his imminent impeachment. That’s what the rush is. Lower taxes for his companies, remove regulations, take control of the oil, and make Trump great again.

Remove the presidency and there, you have, Trump conquered.

It’s as simple as that. Who’s with me?

N.B. A Horcrux is a fictional splice of life created by the genuis mind of J.K. Rowling for the incredible Harry Potter series. Voldermort hid his horcruxes in seven objects (including Harry Potter) in the hope that no foe would be able to discover and defeat them all.