Pre-Marital counselling is sweeping the nation, it seems along with pre-nuptial agreements and counselling during a marriage we now actually need therapy before we even say I do. It’s becoming so popular that there are whole forums out there discussing which topics to bring up. Each to their own, but really, is this taking it all a little too far.
How can you Analyse Love?
Call me an old romantic but when you fall head over heels for the one (yes they do exist) the last thing on your mind should be booking a session with a therapist. Isn’t this supposed to be the happiest time of your life when all reason disappears, life suddenly takes on new meaning and everything in the garden is rosy? When then do you stop snogging for a second to pick up the phone and make a date with a councillor? “Hang on darling, I really want to marry you but we should see what the therapist says about it first”. Piffle!
I realise I’m ranting a bit but I have just finished the ever so popular book Delirium. This book is set in the future when the government finds a cure for love, or deliria nervosa. A simple operation removes all feelings of lust, love, affection and anxiety leaving behind a better crime free world. This reeks of that book where everything is so controlled and Justso that life is just one long bore.
Many people do champion the idea though as they believe that they are taking steps to prevent their marriage from becoming a statistic. As over 50% now end in divorce people truly believe that by discussing financial matters, opinions of sex, divorce and conflict resolution with a stranger they will have a better chance of staying together. Don’t these people ever talk to each other?
As a woman who has been through divorce and is now happily married I can honestly say that pre-marital counselling would not have prevented the breakdown of my marriage. My first husband would have simply said what he thought I wanted to hear and I would have been too blind to see any warning signs at all. That’s what love does.
Sex is apparently a big topic to discuss with the therapist. In your pre-marital session you will discuss the frequency of sex after marriage (as apparently careers, children and busy lives make sex less frequent than before marriage- who knew?) the style of sex after marriage just so you are both on the same wavelength, heaven forbid if you both want to be the submissive, and the expectations of monogamy – did you know that if you marry someone who believes in an open marriage when you expect fidelity issues will arise? Well if you didn’t book yourself into a counselling session and you’ll learn all about it!
So now we have a set rota for sex after marriage, down to the amount of times a week. What happens if one week you feel a little hornier and fancy an extra jump? Do you have to please yourself as it wasn’t discussed beforehand? Will an argument ensue if you’re away for a week and hubby doesn’t get his end away the promised 2 times? It’d certainly be interesting to see.
We also have the type of sex. Vanilla for me please! Seriously, even if you start a marriage adoring vanilla sex, what’s to say you won’t progress to a bit of bondage and playtime when you become more confident and explore new areas? Then what happens to the plan?
Finally we have the views on monogamy. So this means that because two people sat in front of a stranger and said they’d be faithful forever they will be? Forgive my ignorance but isn’t that what wedding vows are for? How many people actually enter a marriage wanting an affair? Very few. It’s a culmination of events. Emotions, situations and lifestyles that lead us to affairs, not words said in a clinical office. A promise can always be broken no matter where it is made and actions will always speak louder than words.
If you are currently taking part in pre-marital counselling, apologies of I’ve offended you, but please- life’s far too short. Expect the unexpected, take a ride on a life as you only get one and falling in love is what makes the bad times good!