One woman addicted to bad boys tells her story of how she changed her life for the better by giving Mr Nice a Chance. Should you give nice guys a chance?
“From being a teenager I’d always adored the bad guy, from the boys much older than me with oodles of experience to the ones my parents refused to approve of because of their attitude and demeanour. I loved the excitement, the flaunting of the rules and the cocky arrogance that gave them a confidence that was impossible not to find irresistible. Like many women I think I actually saw them as a challenge, as I always harboured ideas that I would be the one to tame the beast making them want to settle down and become Mr Right. However, although thrilling and exciting it was hard work, as I’d constantly be perfecting my appearance knowing that at any moment their eyes would stray to the next conquest. Although I adored their bad boy image as bizarrely it made me feel protected and adored, in reality the illusion was just a lie.
Growing up I witnessed volatile relationships and I truly did believe that true love was about passion, about shouting and screaming and the make-up sex, and if truth be told I actually found I couldn’t live without it. I had a sick penchant for the adrenalin rush, the arguments, and the aftermath and I never once considered a nice guy as after a few dates I decided they wouldn’t be able to handle my feisty personality.
Then out of nowhere, with a divorce and a couple of children under my belt I met up with an old school friend. Although in my class he didn’t run in the same crowd as he was very intent on achieving good grades. He was a confidant though and I remembered him fondly.
We met up and shared a few drinks, he was the ultimate gentleman. The next day I didn’t have to sit by the phone as almost immediately he rang to tell me how much he enjoyed our evening. This was completely new to me as used to dating “cool” characters they would have waited 3 days just so they didn’t seem too eager.
So, I called it a day, said my goodbyes and went my own way, yet he didn’t give up. He told me he wanted to be my friend, with no strings attached and become part of my life. As a single mother I decided there was nothing to lose so we struck up a friendship and saw each other regularly.
Although he professes that the very first evening he knew I was, “the one” for me it took a little longer. A slower burn that evoked feelings of trust, respect, admiration and ultimately love. Seeing how he interacted with the children and made sacrifices just to see a smile on my face was a whole new concept. So genuine and kind, I found a spark fizzling between us, and the love making was not so much the Olympics, but gentle, tender and so much better. It simply felt like coming home.
My growing trust for him made sex all the more exciting, as my inhibitions disappeared and my insecurities vanished as I knew he loved me, “just the way I was”. No longer was I competing, and all of a sudden I relaxed, enjoying this new tranquil life with never a cross word between us.
Years later and we’re still very happy, he worries that he’s not as spontaneous or adventurous as previous lovers, but with the mutual trust and respect even a trip to the supermarket together is exciting. My only regret is that I didn’t give nice guys a chance when I first started dating as I could have saved a lot of grey hairs and sleepless nights!”